When my life changed dramatically about 20 years ago with the loss of my husband.  It seemed for several years I was uncertain where my place was as a widow.   So many things had changed.  My kids had grown up and moved on with their lives, I eventually received a new additional title in my life with becoming a Grammy.  I felt my life needed a new direction and I began to figure out what that direction was. 


The fall of 2015, I took a 4 week class on Navigating the Seasons of Life.  This was a class to see what we can learn about themselves.  We looked at our past, our present, our future and what we had learned about ourselves.  Or did we learn anything about ourselves…….

I find these types of things fascinating…..  We all have things in our lives that have happened that are both good and bad.    By reflecting on my past, I would like to stop the cycle of things from the past, look at the positive things and bring them forward.  We cannot change our past but we can decide how we want to handle the icky things that have happened so we don’t repeat those things. 

What I learned about myself…….

For me, one of the biggest things I have had to learn is, to be my own person.  It’s up to me to make choices based on what is good for me and not necessarily everyone else.  Once I realized this, I discovered I have become more confident with who I am and what works best for me.  I know people are going to say we need to consider other people’s feelings.  That may be true.  There are times when we are making decisions that we need to speak with someone we trust.  However, not allowing others to rule our convictions, except for God, is what is important.  Some of the things I wish I would have realized at a younger age are:

  • Be yourself – Don’t let others tell you how you need to be.
  • Stand firm on your convictions.
  • Listen to your heart.  Only you know how you feel and what is right for you.
  • Don’t be afraid to try new things.
  • Take some risks….   I say that carefully so that you will think things through on what to try.
  • You are important and an individual.
  • Be proud of who you are.
  • Observe what has happened and said to you.   Take the good and throw away the bad.
  • Remember – most importantly that God has a plan for your life and know He will direct you in the path He has for you.
  • Most of all – be happy with who you are.  You happiness does not rely on anyone but you.

What does the Bible say……

One of the many scriptures that applies is Ephesians 5:22-24 which reads:  Then throw off your old evil nature, the old you that as a partner in your evil ways, rotten through and through, full of lust and shame.  Now your attitudes and thoughts must all be constantly changing for the better.  Yes, you must be a new and different person, holy ad good.  Clothe yourself with this new nature.  Perhaps you past isn’t full of lust and shame but there may be other things in your life that could be holding one back from putting aside the icky in one’s life.  Things like gossip, greed, wanting to be always right, not telling the whole truth, unforgiving and the list could go on.

As I work on applying these things in my life today, I find I am much more content with life and myself.  Do I still try to protect some people – perhaps and that isn’t always a bad thing.  One of the most important things I have learned is to take a step back when I am trying to decide what my next step is, pray about it, ask for advice and then make that decision. 
I or should I say we, will never be perfect but I do believe we can learn from our past to make us better people today.  

Your reflection…..

Perhaps today is the day for you to reflect where you have been, what accomplishments you have achieved, and what you would like to change about yourself.   This may be as simple as acknowledging or accepting what you cannot change.  Forgiveness for yourself or those who have hurt you.  We certainly have a gracious God that can take all the garbage away and make us that new person. 

I get it that sometimes that just seems to easy and it’s hard to give up the past.  However, our lives can be so much happier by doing so.   Think about it……  Wouldn’t you rather be happy and forgiving than to carry the burden of the past? 

We all have a story don’t we?  What is your story…..   Remember we can not change the past but we can decide how we want to move forward.  As you walk down the journey of widowhood,  I trust you will find peace with what you are going through in your life.  

Blessings to you…….   Remember God is on your side!!!

Published by naomigerbs

My passion is helping widows live, heal, grow and in time thrive.

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