Old Friends – New Friends

Life is ever changing, isn’t it?   Sometimes change is easy and sometimes it is very difficult.  Things change with family and friends we had prior to the loss of our spouse.  If you are new to widowhood, please take this part slowly.  More often than not, people who have never gone down this path, are not sure what to say or often just back away.

There seems to be so many changes with the loss of a spouse.   Not only are we no longer a couple, but there are so many emotional changes.  And who understands more than others who have walked this path!!!!!  God promises in Psalms 34:18 – The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Some of the emotions are:

  • Moodiness
  • Painful thinking – negative thoughts
  • Sleeplessness and loss of appetite
  • Anxiety and irritability
  • Delusional thinking
  • These are all normal issues and you/we are not going crazy

However, many of our former friends often stop calling or call less often when we go through any of these emotions.  They often are ready to give us a phone number of a counselor to call, when we are only looking for an ear that will listen!   With that being said, there have been a few times when I have suggested a counselor to a couple of widows.  One of God’s greatest blessings or promises is found in John 14:27 (NIV), which reads:  I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.

If we are going to have a healthy recovery, we need to change!  We need to change to accommodate the reality of our new life alone. How do we go about this?

  • Accept what we cannot change.
  • When depression seems its right there, pay attention.
  • We need to make adjustments to things that have changed, such as income lost or loss of friendships.

Connecting with those who have gone down this journey is so important.  Watching new widows come into our group not knowing how they are going to get through this journey, is sometimes difficult to watch.  However, watching them learn from other widows and how they have moved forward to help others is so helpful.  I have watched ladies come into our group in tears, and within about a year, they are the ones holding the hand of a new widow letting her know she will be ok. 

There are so many promises that God is our protector.  It reads in Psalm 91:4: (NIV) He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. For those of you going through the early stages of the journey, it may be difficult to understand this.  Let me assure you, God has His arms wrapped around you and often is carrying you each step of the way.

Many times, our true friends are with us along the way.  Other times, we meet new ones to be with us who understand what we are going through.  There is a saying written by Selina Man Karlsson which is: “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.” 

Cherish those who are there for you to help you along this journey.  Early on we are so unaware of what is going on, we struggle with ‘new’ people in our lives but remember unless they have walked our path, we need to give them grace.  You may be thinking this statement is a little strange being you are the one going through this journey!  However, if we can keep this in mind while we are going through this, it does help us heal.

Blessings to each of you.  You continue to be in my prayers…….

Published by naomigerbs

My passion is helping widows live, heal, grow and in time thrive.

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