We certainly do miss our loved ones, don’t we! But at what point do we consider dating again, or do we. If we do, are we disrespecting our late husband? Oh, how times have changed……… It’s amazing what goes through our heads as we process widowhood and think about the future. Each of us handles this differently, but many are very similar in how they handle it.
There are so many things that go through each of our minds. Many choose to marry again. Others wait for a year or two. Yet others begin looking right away or choose to go online for dating. So much has changed over the years depending on your age.
Many have been fortunate to have found a new love in their lives. It’s a different ballgame from when we were teenagers and dating. Many things change just because we are much older. Our goals change. Unfortunately, many women become widows at a young age and have small children or perhaps did not have children with the spouse. For these gals, there is a decision to make if they want more children.
In talking with other widows, many have no desire to remarry. Others start dating to soon as they are so lonely. The divorce rate is high if one remarries within the year of losing your spouse. What are you feeling about dating? A couple things to consider:
- Am I ready for dating?
- Am I secure with who I am as a single person?
- Am I content with myself?
When or if you are ready to date again, proceed with caution, joy and anticipation. The Bible does have something to say about remarrying. In 1 Corinthians 7:39 (NIV) reads: A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.
I would encourage you to take your time – allow yourself to grieve. Perhaps join a Grief Share group either on line, through your church or through a hospital. Check online at: www.grieffshare.org to find a group near you.
Your financials will change. I would encourage you to consult a trusted financial advisor to go over your pensions, Social Security, life insurance policies and your late husbands’ pensions. There may be options out there that you are unaware of.
So often we as widows tend to be vulnerable during this time of grief. Are we concerned about being loyal to our spouse? What about his family or even our kids? There are so many emotions involved! Also, it often differs because of the age of your children. If they are young, you may be considering having someone help with raising of your kids. But then, you may be very fortunate to have close friends or family that are filing in that gap. Many times, teenagers or adult children are concerned the ‘new’ person in our lives wants to take over. Keep the communication open or consider counseling for all involved.
One of the greatest fears about getting involved with someone new or remarrying is becoming a widow again. Be careful not to compare one to your late spouse. Others may have their own opinion on what you should or should not do. Remember – this is your life and keep God in control of all decisions.
Pay attention to yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. By doing so, you will become aware that you are healing and are ok with being yourself. That is a great feeling! God is in control of your life! By studying His word and prayer, He will direct you down the path He has for you.
Does any of this mean you will not remember what you had with your husband? Absolutely not! I have had widows tell me they talked about remarrying with their late spouse before he died. I do not recall any of them saying this was not a decent conversation! It was hard to talk about, but it gave them peace.
Just remember that God has you in the palm of His hands and is there for you always. If you are fortunate to find a ‘new love’, consider it all joy. If not, God has other plans for you!
Hugs, peace and many blessings to each of you. This isn’t always an easy topic to share or to talk about. But God loves you, past, present and always!!!!