It doesn’t seem to take long after we become widowed to discover we have changed or others have noticed we have changed. How can we not change? I mean our life have been uprooted. We were a couple, a pair, a duo and now we are one. How can things not change! Now we are one and it’s up to us how we will handle the decisions that need to be made.
The goal of our grief is not to walk away, move on or find closure. The goal may be to figure out how we are going to handle the challenges of our ‘new’ changed life. Keep in mind, the person who we discussed things with or bounced options off of, is no longer there to do that with. I remember times when I wasn’t sure what to do, I would think or speak out loud of what I would think Dan would do. I’m not saying he always had the right answers, but it would help in thinking things through.
How things changed! If your spouse was Mr. Fixit, he may have fixed things around the house that you have no clue how to fix. Now you will be asking someone else, or calling someone who is good at plumbing, electrical or whatever needs to be fixed.
What about those in your life while you were married that drove you crazy but you tolerated. Depending on the relationship of those, do you need to keep them in your life or can you move on?
Be careful of your behaviors during the early stages of widowhood!
- It is so easy to binge on foods.
- Excessive drinking of alcohol.
- Shopping too much.
- Or other poor destructive habits or addiction.
Perhaps we are now at a place we can focus on solutions.
- Have you had the chance to think through where you have been or gone through and realize what you are good at?
- What wisdom have you mastered?
- What life experiences have you gone through during this time?
What are some things you may be able to do now?
- Some things you may be able to do now.
- What can you do to transform your experience to being positive?
- What is something you can do that would be powerful for others?
While thinking on these things, what would be key in building a new life for yourself? As much as we may prefer the old life, it isn’t for us to have any longer. Let’s consider a couple of things:
- Not that we are living our lives based on what our deceased spouse would want, but what do you think he would say. Perhaps to some of you it may not matter and I don’t mean that in a mean way.
- God has given you experiences to help you through this time. Maybe it’s been a teaching or learning time to help others.
- Your wisdom can be a tremendous benefit to help others going down this journey.
A great scripture to help mold us is found in Isaiah 1:17 (NIV) which reads: Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow. God did not allow us to become widows to help others. Things happen in life and God helps us use these things to help others.
God certainly has a plan for each of us. Some of the plans may be similar while others are completely different. It is all in the purpose for which God has planned for you. Proverbs 31:25 (NIV) reads: She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
The time will come when we will laugh again. Does it mean we will forget? Absolutely not! I would suggest you lean on God to discover what His plan is for you. It may be for you to become a leader or someone to just be there for someone going through something similar to what you have gone through.
Although we miss the love of our spouse and we will never forget what we had with them, God’s great love is amazing in I Lamentations 3:22-24 (NIV): Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore, I will wait for him.
Perhaps you are dating, thinking about dating or have remarried. God does not want you to be lonely but it is ok to be by yourself Patience is not always easy but God has a plan for each of us.
Hugs, blessings and prayers for each of you!