Love – Guilt – Loss?

It seems with the holidays behind us, and spring around the corner (or let’s hope it is really around the corner), this time of year gives us time to reflect.  We reflect on the good times we have had and things we may be looking forward to.  What do you or I want to do going forward?  What are we holding onto from the past that we need to let go of?

When we have lost someone, we love, sometimes it seems we think there was more we could have done.  Or things we wished they would have said more often. Many of you have been blessed with amazing marriages.  Others really had to work at it.  Still others, there marriages seemed like a roller coaster ride.  No matter what your marriage was, we probably all have a few regrets.  Along with a lot of great memories.  Try your best to remember the good times. 

 Micah 7:19 reads: “…He will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities, and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.” Let them go because you have been forgiven.  To me this says, God forgives us no matter what we have gone through in our lives.  We definitely are not perfect here on earth but someday, when we get to heaven, we will be.  We can not undo what we wish we would not have done…

Every once in a while, I ask widows how they handle this.  The answers are different but often the same.  It just depends on their marriages.  One thing I love to hear is when they decide to do things that they enjoyed doing together even though they are no longer together.  Many travel with new friends or alone.  Others will get involved with things that they wished they would have before, but their spouse didn’t like to do. While others get involved with volunteering. 

Something I rely on is found in Isaiah 50:7 which reads: “Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore, have I set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame.”  My thought is, God has been there for me before and will be with me again.   With that being said, that doesn’t mean life will always be wonderful.   I have said many times, just put one foot in front of the other and eventually it does get easier.  We will always miss the loves of our life and that seems to be a given. 

Others have shared with me that their spouse loved butterflies or birds.  It seems when they are missing them or wishing they were close by, all of the sudden a bird or butterfly will be nearby.  A friend of mine, her husband loved yellow butterflies.  If one stopped on a flower on her deck, she would say something like ‘Hey Steve thanks for thinking of me today’ and then go on about her business.

 I totally understand how lonely it can be and there are days it is ok to feel sorry for yourself.  However, keep tabs on yourself as to how often you may feel this way.  It depends on how you are feeling and where is God during these times.  Rest in Christ that he will be with you as he says in Romans 8:1 “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”  He is with us even when we think he isn’t! 

When times are tough, please reach out to someone who has walked down this same journey as you are.  Things may be different between you but they are often very similar.  Join a widow’s group.   If you are not attending a church, may I suggest you find one.  Seek a counselor in your area or perhaps your pastor, priest or rabbi. 

We cannot change the past, but we can move forward by taking one step at a time.    Remember to know that each person goes through this journey at their own pace.  Some ladies go through grief share 3 or 4 times, some only once and some never go.  You need to do what is best for you!

Blessings to each of you my friends…   God loves you and is with you each step of the way.