Precious Memories

An older quote of Snoopy said, ‘To always hold on to the beautiful memories Snoopy’.  Its ok to cry sometimes.  Take solace in knowing that who we have lost will forever live on in our hearts.  Sometimes memories sneak out of my eyes and fall down my checks.

That is just so true.  Even though for some of us it is recent, for others it has been years.  How we decide to handle these losses is up to us.  Or maybe it depends how deeply affected we are.  Once again, we all handle things differently.

Let us think about us as individuals being it is close to the holidays.  Considering we are feeling down right now and thinking about what we remember, let us think about doing a few of these things:

• Schedule a massage, pedicure, or manicure for yourself.
• Give yourself permission to turn down events that you are having a difficult time deciding if you want to attend. 
• Be open with your family and friends on what you are feeling.  Unless they have walked in your shoes, they may not understand your choices.   But that is ok.  For now, it is about you!

Some of the best conversations you may have, is to talk about the memories you have had that you no longer share with your spouse.   Some of these memories can be fun stories or things you really miss.   Perhaps you can claim this verse from Psalms 34:18 which reads:  “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”  What a sweet thought to remember that the Lord is right there with us.

Some of the special memories you may remember are:

• The vacations you two have had.
• Your children and grandchildren.
• The favorite things you did together.
• The silly things you two have done together.

These memories are so important.   Not just in the beginning, but for a long time.  It seems the longer one is widowed, the more important the memories are. 

Things to do to remember your spouse over the holidays: 

• Put together a memory book of your spouse.  Invite others to add memories to this book. 
• Make or purchase a holiday decoration in honor of your loved one.
• Donate to a charity of your choice or your late husband’s favorite charity.
• Continue to hang the stocking of your loved one.  Let your guests know ahead of time to bring a written note of your loved one.  As they arrived, put the note in the stocking.  During the down time, share the stories with all.  The stories can be funny memories or something special they remember.
• Hang onto your spouse’s favorite coffee cup and bring it out for each holiday.

I had often wondered how I would share our memories, especially with our grandchildren.  At the time of Dan’s death, my children were out of high school but no one was married, nor were there any grandchildren.  I knew I would just have to wait to see how we all handled that when the time came.  Over the years, I became involved with genealogy.  Little did I know that would help in telling stories.  As the grands got older and started asking more questions about their Grandpa Dan, it became easy to talk about him.  These just became easy stories to talk about, laugh about and share with them.

Let’s take time to think about those memories to share!   One of the many things I have learned over the years is, these memories are so important.    One of the many promises in the Bible is from Joshua 1:9 which reads:  “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Be patient with yourself these first holidays without your spouse.  May you feel God’s arms wrapped around you.

Hugs, peace, and blessings to each of you!